Goodbye To Yesterday
by dulce.de.leche.go
Summary: Memory charm fic. Hermione pays the price for helping the man she loves with his mission. It's not easy to disappear in the eyes of the one you love. It's much harder to have it happen by your own hand. M for language and mild sexual references. Response to a private challenge issued to me by 'Lady J'.
1. Author's Note - The Challenge

Hello all!

I had intended to wait to do anything with this at all, but I got very inspired all of a sudden and this quickly became a roadblock in continuing my **Knowing You** fic because I needed so badly to get this one out.

As I mentioned in a little update note on my Bio page the other day, I was pleasantly surprised with the private suggestion/challenge of this. The main prompt was for a memory charm fic. I'm pretty iffy on these, as there are tons of them out there that are going to be far better than what I throw into the hat, but I figured I'd at least give it a shot. I don't think I've stumbled upon anything really "new" with this, but I hope it will be an enjoyable read nonetheless. The other fics I've done thus far have had pretty well trodden themes and I've still had fun doing them, so why the heck not?

Here's the basic outline for the challenge issued:

**Summary:** One of the main characters has to be the victim of _obliviate_.

**Pairing:** Your choice.

**Rating:** Any

**Genre:** Angst

**Length:** One-Shot/Short Story (10k words or less)

My concerns on this one are mainly that I've already touched on a lot of the memory spells between my couple of stories I've got out now, so this is kind of another drop in the bucket. I'm interested in trying to do a short angsty story and I think this'll be a decent bit of practice for both **angst** and **short –** things I don't do particularly well. :X

Anyway, since the parameters weren't too strict to begin with, there are some things worth noting:

The setting is mainly Post-War/Return to Hogwarts.

Most major events should be book compliant as far as what happened but offer a different perspective on the motivations behind them..also EWE implied.

The pairing I've selected is DM/HG since I'm not quite ready to leave all of my comfort zones yet.

I've also written this kind of as a songfic (not in the strictest sense of the word) since it's what inspired me so strongly in the first place. The song used is **_It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday by Boyz II Men _**(teehee). Jason Mraz apparently has a version of the song also that is pretty good..I prefer the former though. Either way, you should have a listen!

For those of you waiting for the next installment of my multi-chapter fic **Knowing You**, it's still coming, but like I said, I needed to get this one out. I have a total case of ADD that can be figuratively, not literally, crippling when plot earwigs take hold. Should be good to go from here unless I get more random suggestions or ideas that take root. D:

Now, without further ado, the story. I hope you enjoy my attempt at this and remember to read and review as you so choose. Thanks very much. :)

-Slik


	2. Goodbye To Yesterday

**Disclaimer: **The characters herein and the Harry Potter universe are all property of J.K. Rowling. I claim no ownership over either of these things and make no profit from any of this, it's all just imagined for fun with no ill intent.

* * *

_******_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_**_

**_Goodbye to Yesterday_**

**-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-**

A sheet of white covered the grounds. It had been snowing since morning and was absolutely frigid, even in the newly added Head's tower that boasted some _very_ slight practicality and modernization over the other ancient walls of the castle. Zabini had gone home for the holiday which left her blessedly alone in the chilled and so quiet dorm. She supposed she could start a fire, but that would require moving, and that wasn't in the books for today. Today was Christmas day. Once upon a time it was also something else.

Chocolate eyes stared out past the frosted glass, focused on the white. So pale. Pale like alabaster...like his skin..his hair...his eyes...

_**************.  
**_

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_**How do I say goodbye  
**_

_**To what we had  
**_

_**The good times that made us laugh  
**_

_**Outweighed the bad**_

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_

_**************'  
**_

_He'd been detached this year, more than any before since they'd begun seeing one another in secret. He came back to school...different...and it pained her. It was like he'd donned a mask and the mask was of a darker, drearier version of the boy that had tortured her once before. Since that first day when Harry came to The Great Hall beaten and bloodied and she'd had it out with him in private, things had been tense. They didn't meet as they used to, they barely talked, though he didn't sneer or glare at her in class or in the halls like he once had._

_It was over. _

_It had to have been over and she must have just...missed the memo somewhere. _

_She tried to press on, to forget about him, but her heart and her mind had other agendas. It was as though they were drawn together, a magnetic force in any room. She could very nearly sense when he was nearby and by the way that he would either look up when her eyes automatically sought him out, or how she would always catch him staring first, she knew it was the same for him._

_Hermione tried to pursue others. Maybe it was to make him jealous, maybe it was to make her forget...whatever the reason, it just didn't work. She'd gotten her invitation from Slughorn to attend his Christmas party and was in the library doing a bit of light reading when their uneasy silence had finally been lifted._

"_Don't take the Weasel." He had said, his appearance sudden and jarring as it blacked out her reading light all at once._

"_I'm sorry, who are you again?" She'd replied tartly, with a look that tried to say he could go off himself. What she'd actually managed was just a stubborn and barely hidden yearning and elation at the fact he was within arm's reach after too many months of **not**._

_The man slammed her book shut, nearly clipping her fingers in the process. Without a second thought, he grabbed her wrist, tugging her back through the stacks that students seldom sought out, stacks they'd often sneak a snog between...once upon a time. Not showing much care at all, he pushed her up against one of the heavy shelves, not painfully, but firmly enough to get her full attention. A small hand whipped out and caught him across the face in an open handed slap so firm that it snapped his head to the side. He hardly blinked before he had her again, wrists in his hands and her body trapped between his and the tomes at her back._

"_Don't take him."_

_Hermione scoffed, knowing full well he was referring to her 'plus one' for the party. '"Just who the hell do you think you are?" She scolded in a harsh whisper._

_A sneer that she'd not missed in the least drew back his lip, but his eyes...they were hurt, not angry. "I'm your-"_

"_My **what**? You haven't been my **any**thing since the start of term! In fact, you've been going a great deal out of the way to—mmh.."_

_Her heated whispering was silenced by his lips on hers. It felt good. For the love of all things, it felt so good. They were nearly just as she'd remembered them. Firm and wet and so very fucking good. Maybe they were a bit thinner than the last time – all of him seemed a bit thinner this year – but it was like coming home. She stopped straining against his grip and as soon as she did, his hands moved to cup her face, stroking her cheeks lovingly. _

_He touched her in adoration, like it was the first time he'd ever seen her, ever experienced her plump mouth working against his, her tight body solid and soft in every place that counted. _

_He touched her in reverence, as though it would be the last time he ever would have these things, ever have her._

_She was still mad, still completely and utterly mad at him, **for** him, but she couldn't help the soft moan that escaped at having him like this again after so long without. When they finally separated, Hermione breathed heavily, the air puffing against his mouth, "Who would you have me take?"_

"_Me...take me."_

_Hermione was shocked and she didn't bother to hide it. They'd always been a secret. Nobody had known, well, nobody except Harry and even that was not until after the start of this year. He'd been perceptive enough to notice her change in moods while Ron was too busy with Lavender's attentions. It wasn't news he'd enjoyed hearing, but he was there for her while she sobbed in the stairwell over what so obviously was over – until now._

"_You want to..?"_

"_No more hiding," he said it desperately, so desperately like it was the last time for everything. _

_If she'd known then what was to become of them, she would have understood: it **was.**_

"_But what will happen then? People will-"_

"_Fuck everyone else!" Their foreheads pressed together and he guided her arms to loop up around his neck, "I don't care anymore, Hermione, **I** **love** **you** and I just don't fucking care. I won't see you on the arm of another bloke, I won't. You're mine and anyone that has something to say about it can sod off."_

_Her heart thudded in her chest, squeezed tight and trembled in response to his words. They'd skirted around expressing their feelings so boldly, but they both knew they'd been present for some time now. To hear him blurt it out just like that..._

_She should have known that trouble was coming. _

_Should've known that he was trying to get in the time while he still could. _

_She should have understood what it truly meant, but at the time all she could think of was hearing him say it again._

"_I love you too, Draco," she whispered against his lips, dragging him into another heated kiss. It was to be one of their last secret kisses, for they would finally come out to the public as a couple. Something light settled into her very being at the thought, happy to finally be able to stop hiding, elated to finally have him back._

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_**I thought we'd get to see forever  
**_

_**But forever's gone away  
**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye  
**_

_**To yesterday**_

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_**************'  
**_

Hermione's breath hitched, a small cloud steaming from her lips on the shuddering exhale that followed. She swiped at her eyes with the heels of her palms, willing away the wetness that threatened to pool there in frustration. With a pathetic and disgruntled sound, she tugged the edges of her blanket more tightly about her shoulders and pressed her forehead against the pane. She felt the cold metal of her necklace, pressed against the back of her hand and moved to wrap her fingers around the large silver band hanging from it. She'd intended to tuck it back beneath the neckline of her jumper, but once her skin met the metal, she found it impossible to let it go. The nails of her fingers dug into her palm with how tightly she gripped the ring, willing the thoughts away. She needed them to go away. She couldn't stand it, she couldn't stand _them_, but she couldn't let them go either. It was harder to let them go...he was already gone, she couldn't lose these too.

_********__**************.**_

_******_,.-'~'-.,_**_

_********__**************'**_

"_I love you," He rasped breathlessly, lips brushing over her temple as she rocked on his lap. He ran his hands over her thighs, beneath the edges of her skirt, knickers lost somewhere in their frantic hurry to steal away from prying eyes and have a moment – just a __**moment **__– __to themselves__. "__Gods, I love you so much, Hermione."_

_Hermione tossed her head back, making room for him to kiss his way down to her neck and chest. He nestled his face in the swell of her bra covered breasts, her blouse open just enough to tease him into a frenzy. Her hips rolled against his, her arms looped around his neck and she lost herself to the ecstasy of her lover's caress. "Draco-"_

_She moved her hands to tangle her fingers in his hair, the silver promise ring scraping lightly against his scalp, eliciting a soft growl from him. The party was tomorrow, she'd been anticipating it since she agreed to take him as her guest. Tomorrow. Tomorrow they would be outed and it would be a small light in the sea of darkness that had settled over them all this year._

_The couple writhed against each other, their session short but no less fulfilling in the Room of Requirement. Draco asked her there that evening. They hadn't meant to get so physical, not again, not yet, but he couldn't keep his hands from her. He acted with an unapologetic hunger, a thirst that was only quenched by her touches and caresses and her – her, her, **her.** Once they had both found their release, their clothing back in place and the two of them snuggled together on a large bed that'd conjured itself for them in front of a comforting fireplace, Draco spoke. If she'd known, gods, MERLIN if she had known then what was to come, maybe she could have done something differently. Maybe she could have had more time – THEY could have had more time._

"_I...I can't go with you tomorrow..."_

_Hermione stopped the soft stroking of his arm resting over her belly. She fought to not turn and snap at him then and there, thinking maybe she misheard. "What?"_

"_I..can't go tomorrow." He said again quietly._

_She did get up then, rather suddenly at that. Hermione shoved his arm away from her and climbed off the bed. By the time she stood and turned to face him, she saw that he'd gotten up as well but had his back to her, shoulders slumped in a defeated way. Her anger lessened some then but struggled to hold on to every bit of her, "What do you mean? Why? Are you ashamed-"_

"_No." He said firmly, a little too firmly. Draco's head shook, fringe falling into his eyes, shoulders drooping more. "No..." He repeated softly, "I'm not...I..." _

_He struggled with his words. He'd been hiding something from her. She'd seen it in his stammer, she could tell. There were several more beats of silence before he finally continued, a resolve in his tone that she would later come to classify as horrific and terrifying due to what it led to. _

"_I've been given a task, Hermione..."_

"_What?" She questioned, confused. "What task? Who gave you a task?"_

_Draco looked at her then, over his shoulder, and his eyes were red and full of sorrow. Moisture glistened in them and she knew. She **knew** so much more then in just that one look._

"_No...no." Hermione gasped, fingers going to her mouth to try to stifle the noise. Her head shook, slowly at first then became more and more animated as though it would physically push the reality away. She came around the bed then, knelt before him and took his hands, eyes fixed on his that looked at her with so much regret and apology. "NO," she said more firmly this time, "You're not. Draco, tell me you're not. Please...PLEASE tell me-"_

_His throat bobbed and he choked back an emotion that solidified any doubt she may have had previously. She'd defended him. When Harry suspected...she'd defended him, each and every time. How foolish of her. How positively naïve she was. She should be furious, completely livid, inconsolable over this betrayal...but the love for him butted back her anger. It suffocated it until she was unabashedly pleading with his hands clasped between hers and held to her lips, because that's all she could do._

"_It's not true."_

_Draco turned his head, ashamed. When her fingers felt for the buttons of his left sleeve, he twitched at first but quickly stilled, shutting his eyes so tightly that some of the tears building from before finally escaped. Hermione's breath was coming quicker now. Her gaze was locked onto his left forearm and she knew what she would find there, but she had to see it, she just had to confirm its existence before she could let it go. With so much hesitance, she unbuttoned his cuff, looked to his face, still scrunched in waiting, and began to tug up the cloth. Hermione got only so far as to see the edge of it, dark and black and writhing at the presence of a **Mudblood** so close – she gasped and jerked away, hands releasing him and she was tripping over herself and landing on her backside on the stone._

"_NO."_

"_I tried," he said sullenly, "I...father made me...I couldn't refuse it, please Hermione, please believe me when I say I tried. **He** will kill them...he'll kill my father, my mother, he'll destroy everything I hold dear to me if I don't do this."_

_It was difficult for her to make out the words past the intensity of the blood rushing in her ears, but when she heard her name, she looked up at him dumbly. He was looking at her with meaning. His eyes were pleading and he dropped from the bed to kneel in front of her, taking her hands as she'd done just minutes ago with his._

"_I tried to keep you at a distance. I just...I couldn't. I can't see you every day and know how I feel about you and not be with you. Not touch you. Not kiss you. Not hold you in my arms, I can't fucking stand it."_

"_Wh-what changed?" She managed to ask eventually. "Y-you wanted to be with me...weeks ago, and now...now what's different. What's so different now? Draco, what happened?"_

_He looked panicked, pulling her closer. She resisted some at first but allowed herself to be wrapped in his arms, head nestled under his chin as he stroked her hair with shaking hands. His own ring, one to match hers, glinted in the firelight and he stifled another sob, shutting his eyes again and kissing the top of her head in a way that sent fear flooding through every fiber of her being._

"_I thought I was being so careful..I thought.."_

_Hermione wrapped her arms around his middle, hugging him to her and the pressure seemed to ease his rapidly beating heart some._

"_He knows I have **someone** here, but he doesn't know who." His words started to come more swiftly, stumbling one over the other in a pace that grew more frantic by the second, "I thought it would be okay, that he wouldn't find out if you and I - he has more eyes and ears here than I realized—I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It was stupid, I should never have even suggested-fucking hell, Hermione! He's already threatened to kill my mother if I don't succeed...if he finds out...you...you'll-"_

_'It WAS stupid.' That's what she wanted to say. _

_'How DARE you?' That too. _

_To build her hopes up like that and dash them all away when he should have known better from the start. It would have been far less cruel to continue going on as they had been. She should have been yelling and screaming at him right now, shouting these very things. Instead, all she could do was curl her fingers more tightly into the fabric of his shirt, clinging to him desperately. Hermione wanted to be angry, but all at once she realized that there was no more time for that. She could be angry after, because to be angry now would mean most assuredly losing him...possibly forever._

"_We'll go to the Order," she said quickly, and even then she knew it was more of something to try and make them both feel better instead of a real option. "They can offer you protection. Dumbledore can see to it, I know he can. He'll get you and your mother out at least. Somewhere safe where HE won't be able to find you."_

_Draco flinched at the elder wizard's name and clenched her more tightly to his person. He shook his head, "He can't. Not this time...he can't help me."_

_The witch pulled her face away from where it was pressed to his chest so she could look him in the eyes. She heard it already in his voice, she knew that tone. "Draco, please."_

"_He wants me to fail in this. Hermione...if I fail, it won't just be my family that he destroys as an example...it'll be everything, everyone," He said the last again, looking hard into her eyes then allowing himself to take in the whole of her. He looked over her hair, her chin, her cheeks, her nose, her lips, "Death is not simple, easy, or painless when it comes to him."_

_Hermione swallowed back the bile and tears trying to clog her throat. Not even an hour ago they were in each other's arms, kissing, moving, loving. Now they were talking about a madman threatening what little they had. It sparked the stubborn fire of resistance in her and she shook her head again, savoring the feel of his touch to her cheek, "I'm not afraid. Draco let him help you, let ME help you."_

_If only she had known what she was asking._

_The resolute gray eyes staring down at her wavered, thoughts clearly flitting across the glassy windows. His eyebrows raised in unison, focus set far off somewhere for a minute before it came back around and his lips set in a firm line. "He can't, but you can."_

_Relief flooded through her limbs. "Yes, thank you. Thank you," She cupped his face in her hands, "Anything. What can I do? How can I help?"_

_Draco swallowed past a thickness in his throat, trying to latch onto as much composure as he could manage as he prepped himself to ask her to do something that she would come to regret to her dying day._

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_**I don't know where this road  
**_

_**Is going to lead  
**_

_**All I know is where we've been  
**_

_**And what we've been through**_

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**_

Hermione watched the fat, puffy flakes sway in their slowly falling spirals past the window. Enough of her was pressed to the glass that, even through the blanket, her skin was like ice. It was hard to care on a day like today. She just couldn't find it in her to do it.

Zabini went home. Harry had never came back to school. The Weasley's were still grieving. She and her parents weren't on the best terms at the moment in light of what she'd done to their minds. And Draco was...

Hermione shut her eyes because they were red and swollen and tired. She'd cried at some point she supposed. She thought she bit it all back but by the freezing tracks of tears on her cheeks, she clearly had not. Letting out a long, slow breath, she allowed the cold to creep in. She felt it settling into her bones and toyed with the idea of falling asleep like that. When she woke, maybe Christmas would be over and the memories would go away – at least for another year.

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_An awful idea. What a horribly, terribly, atrocious idea it was. She should have gone by herself. She didn't know why she felt so compelled to bring a guest, especially HIM. She just didn't want to be...alone._

_The music stopped suddenly. Hermione looked up from where she'd been nestled in a corner while Harry was distracting McLaggen. There was some sort of commotion and she saw the ratty, tattered image of Filch appear with his grubby hand hooked in expensive looking robes and dragging a familiar blond by them._

_Any lighthearted thoughts she'd been able to manage over the course of the evening drained out of her. She was sure her complexion paled several shades right along with them as her heart dropped into her toes. There was some kind of argument. Filch was talking to Professor Slughorn, Snape was there as well, something about gatecrashing – she couldn't be bothered to care about the exchange. All she cared about was the boy in the mix of it all and the moment he turned his head and saw her staring at him from her hiding place._

_At first, he looked puzzled, startled even, a little like he'd gotten a zap from a piece of charged metal. His eyes raked over her form, moving swiftly and strangely in a way that was so similar to looks he'd given her before yet so different. This time when his eyes met back up with hers, instead of the charming smirk or secret smile they'd shared many times before, his mouth curled up in a sneer. She could see the whites of his perfect teeth from behind the peeled back tilt of his lip, an expression of blatant disgust oozing from every pore. His eyes...they were dead, completely and entirely dead to her. The only spark of recognition was that of a long cultivated hatred for her and her kind, no thought – no memory – was left of anything that they used to be._

_As quickly as it happened then, it was done. Snape was talking and had Draco's focus now. They were leaving. She didn't notice when Cormac finally happened upon her hiding spot. The git was talking, saying something he undoubtedly assumed was charming and worth a listen, but all she could hear was her heart hammering so hard that something would surely burst. _

_All she could see were those dead eyes looking at her – through her – as though she were merely the dirt under his heel. _

_All she could feel was the cold seeping into the emptiness created by his departure._

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_**If we get to see tomorrow  
**_

_**I hope it's worth all the wait  
**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye  
**_

_**To yesterday**_

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_**************'  
**_

Hermione opened her eyes again sluggishly. It was darker out now than before, so much colder now as well. She hadn't eaten today, at least she was pretty sure she hadn't. She didn't recall much, actually, aside from sitting in front of the window and looking at the snow. Now that she thought of it, she didn't remember the last time she ate. She also wasn't entirely sure what day of the week it was, aside from Christmas Day. They all just sort of blurred together now: Monday...Wednesday...Christmas Day...what should have been their—_no_.

Her stomach had started hurting some time ago, but so content to sit in one place was she, it eventually stopped. Or at the very least, she just became accustomed to it and couldn't tell the difference. No food, no water, she didn't care. Today she just wanted to sit there, curled in her blanket, roving her thumb over the slight pattern engraved in the silver ring forgetting about everyone and every thing.

Limbs weak and weary, a sadistic part of her wondered if anyone aside from maybe some of her professors would care if she allowed herself to waste away. It was a silly thought, stupid really. Of course people would care. The logical thoughts rolled through her head over and over, the only things keeping her upright and awake at the moment, that little bit of fight trying to urge her to do SOMEthing aside from wallow in her sadness. A witch of her ability had no business allowing something so simple as the loss of a man destroy her.

But really...how many times does someone find love in a lifetime?

Hermione wasn't sure what would have been worse for her. If he had perished during the war – upsetting as that thought was even now – perhaps it would have been easier. At the very least, she could grieve properly because it would have been over in the most literal and unchangeable way. She could chalk it up to fate or some other divination nonsense. At the moment, she thought almost anything would have been easier than now.

She never imagined he would come back to Hogwarts. She didn't think they would **let** him come back, much less _**make**_ him. The Ministry had an odd idea of punishments and after testifying on his behalf at his trial to keep him from a lifetime sentence in Azkaban, she'd thought she'd seen the last of him. He'd looked at her so oddly then. It wasn't anything that could have been mistaken as a thank you, not then, just sheer confusion. He looked as though he was fighting to find something in the planes of her face and for a minute her heart fluttered in hope, but it was gone again in the blink of an eye.

_'Yes,' _she thought solemnly, _'Almost anything would be easier.'_

Anything would be easier in the long run than seeing him every day in at least half of her classes, having to even work at his side in some, and watch him sneer or scowl at her in that cold way he'd done for so many years before they...well, it was irrelevant now. What's done was done. She had tried to bring him back to her after the battle, after he and his family had returned to what remained of The Great Hall.

It hadn't worked.

It was much harder to restore the memories than it was to steal them away, it seemed.

She hadn't had the same trouble with bringing back her parents. Hermione thought maybe she just needed some guidance and approached Kingsley under a confidential veil of secrecy for his help, terrified when he revealed that since she took them, she would have to be the one to return them to both her parents and Draco. He showed her what he could and went with her to retrieve her kin, and when that had worked out as properly as it was going to, she'd been emboldened by the task.

She returned, managing another meeting with Draco, albeit begrudgingly on his end. She'd tried to stimulate his emotions by having him hold the ring that was once his so she could try again to restore him to what he was, but he wouldn't have any of it. He may have changed sides, but he still remembered hating her – that's _**all**_ he remembered of her – and he couldn't for the life of him understand why she'd so frantically insisted that he _'take the bloody thing'_, yelling with tears streaming from her eyes in a panic.

Such a thing wasn't needed when she brought back her parents, but Kingsley said it could help. She tried everything else he showed her as stealthily as she could to avoid rousing suspicion in the blonde and making him dodge her for the rest of her days.

None of it worked, either.

Hermione still hadn't discovered what she'd done wrong. Of course she hadn't. If she had, she wouldn't be sitting alone on their _anniversary_.

The word took only a second to register and the breathing she'd been doing so well to keep steady and even caught in her throat. It was as though someone flipped a switch and just like that, she could feel her heart racing, lungs working overtime and her already food deprived dizziness growing worse as her air intake became erratic. She choked back a cry, though it didn't do a fat lot of good judging by the feel of wetness now falling freely down her cheeks. The memories she had of them together before and...after...rising to the surface and making things deep within her churn with regret and sorrow.

Shakily, Hermione climbed to her feet, nearly falling immediately at the weakness in her body. She pressed on stubbornly, always stubbornly, as it was one of the few things she knew she could be counted on to do well – always. Wand, her wand, she needed her wand. She needed to extract these thoughts, these _feelings_, from her before they consumed her. _They already have, _she thought grimly, but kept searching. She couldn't remember where she left it, but it had to be close. Her right mind was so muddled and fuzzed, the only things that were clear anymore were the images of the past so burned into her brain.

Before she learned that she wouldn't be able to bring him back, Hermione was resentful that he'd ever come back to her in the first place, ever planted that seed of hope before crashing it before that stupid party. But she understood now. Merlin, how she understood now. To see him there, within literal reach, only to have him gone, somewhere far, far away, and utterly untouchable – it was maddening.

He was reclusive this year. Most people avoided him and he them, one of his only friends upon his return was Zabini, whom she was _so lucky_ to get to share the Head's dorm with, which meant she saw Draco much more than she was able to handle. For his part, Zabini was well mannered enough in her presence, never once eluding to her blood status, though likely because such a thing was now highly punishable by law. She didn't allow herself to wonder what venom was said behind her back to a man that had once been hers. She wouldn't think of the laughs they probably shared daily at her expense in a cruel and malicious fashion.

She couldn't think of it, she couldn't see it, she just couldn't take it anymore. At least he'd had the ability to come to her, to confess his love...she didn't even have that. She would surely be rejected in his current state and then...then he wouldn't even allow her to be near him in a professional sense. He may not know her anymore, but she remembered him. She remembered his patterns and knew precisely what would happen.

Perhaps...perhaps it would be better if she forgot too.

She'd never heard of anyone performing the spell on themselves before, but what did she have to lose anymore, really? If she thought she could function as she was now, she would only be trying to fool herself further, and she was just so very _tired_.

Hermione renewed her search for her damnable wand, bracing herself on the walls, and chairs, and tables as she pushed and ripped and shoved everything around. She couldn't see past the moisture in her eyes. She could barely feel what and where she grabbed with her numbed fingertips. Her exhaustion and malnutrition catching up to her, she couldn't even hold herself up anymore and she finally collapsed onto her hands and knees. Sobs wracked her body, barely one breath escaping before she jerked, and choked, and coughed trying to take another only to have it clogged by her tears again. Her body curled over on itself where it'd landed, planted in front of the common room's unlit fireplace and she cried into the stone that lined the sooty recess before her.

It was one thing to lose someone to death or disease.

It was another entirely to watch them forget who you were to them.

It was something worse still to be not only the cause for such a thing, but be powerless to right it.

_**************.  
**_

_************__**************_,.-'~'-**__**************..**_-'~'-.,_  


_**And I'll take with me the memories  
**_

_**To be my sunshine after the rain  
**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye  
**_

**_To yesterday_  
**

_************__**************-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**************'  
**_

_Paired up again. She would have to talk to Slughorn because she really wasn't sure how much more she could take of being partnered with him. She tried to gather her wits, hands shaking as she went to the far storage closet to retrieve the last of the ingredients that they needed for their brew. _

_'Lizard tails, mandrake root, sprigs of lavender...' _

_Just one more thing and she could return. She turned to grab for where she knew the salamander scales would be and collided so hard with another body that she lost her balance in her pivot. The sacks she'd been holding before fell from her grip as her arms windmilled in an attempt to reestablish her footing or latch onto something, or both. Instead of what would most assuredly been a hard plummet to the stone of the potion lab's floor, she felt a warm, sturdy band fasten around her midsection. It was awkward and a little bit painful, as it was obvious her hero was as surprised by her near tumble as she, but it thankfully saved her from injury._

_At least she'd been thankful up until she found herself looking up into a pair of cold gray eyes, the corners of them tinged with annoyance and...something else._

"_For fuck's sake, Granger, are you always this useless?"_

_Hermione swallowed against a lump in her throat, staring like a deer in headlights. Months. It was months since she'd been this close to him, maybe a whole year or more, she couldn't quite remember now at his proximity. The urge to cup his face, to brush away the fringe of blonde that always liked to fall forward now that he'd stopped slicking it all back, it was like a force all of its own. Her fingers twitched and she trembled, willing back the urge to stroke his cheek because it wouldn't be right. Seeing his look turn into a scowl then a sneer, her stomach seized – it wouldn't be welcomed either._

_Draco set her back upright, seeming confused as to why he'd caught her in the first place. He released his hold from her and stepped away, making no movement to hide how dramatically he wiped his hands on his robes to rid himself of her touch._

"_Come on, woman. Class has started and we need to get to work already. You were taking too long in here. Honestly, does it really take you that long to gather ingredients?"_

_Hermione ducked her head, his cold words lancing through her like skewers. Willing herself to calm, willing herself **not** to cry, she shook her head, curls falling around her face to hide the contorted look of anguish trying to claim its place there. She muttered her apologies swiftly and quietly as she bent to collect the spilled items, because any louder and he would be able to hear the crack in her voice and she couldn't stand his taunting, not right now. They were so close to Christmas break. If she could just make it til then, she would have time away and recompose herself the way she was meant to be. Stern. Studious. Focused. Not this laughable, shell of the girl she'd once been._

_She thought she was alright until she heard him curse under his breath and saw his pale hands come into view. He was scooping up tails and pushing them indelicately back into the burlap bag they'd been in before while she worked on the others. Her heart hammered at his nearness and she sucked in a breath as quietly as she could, pawing around the floor to retrieve everything she'd dropped. When she felt the tug at her neck, she froze, physically unable to move._

_Her eyes shifted to the culprit. One of his pale hands had hold of her necklace, his old ring resting in his palm. She thought she'd tucked it back beneath her collar, but she must have been fiddling with it once again in her nerves earlier. When her trembling brown eyes panned up to see his face, she was unsure of what she would see there._

_Draco was staring hard at the trinket, his brows creased in deep concentration while his eyes scanned over the item. Hermione saw a flicker of recognition and her heart raced. Would it work? She knew if he would just see it, just touch it, that he would-_

"_This is that thing you were trying to get me to take when we...spoke that time, isn't it?"_

_Her hopes sputtered and she fought to keep her features even. Of course. He only recognized it from the time where she'd been acting positively 'barmy' as he'd put it. "It is."_

_The blonde didn't seem to notice her guarded tone, quite focused on tracing over the engravings with that same puzzled expression. His scowl lessened very slightly, "Who did this belong to?"_

_Hermione's jaw clenched, not sure how to answer. She could tell him the truth. You. It belonged to you. Somehow she didn't think that would go over well at all. As close as they were to break and to...to Christmas and their...she couldn't take the rejection again. "The man I loved."_

_Draco's eyes snapped up then at her grave and fragile tone. He looked shocked to see her face there, even though he'd most certainly known that it would be. The corner of his mouth twitched like he wanted to frown or do something else that provided her a kind of sympathy, but he resisted it. "What...what happened to him?"_

_She knew she should have schooled her features better, especially with him staring straight at her, but it was likely that, that nearly made her fall apart right then and there. Hermione felt her lip trembling and couldn't help but take in the sharp angles of his face in a way that probably so blatantly gave her away. "The war," she choked out._

_It was all she could stand. She pulled away from him suddenly, scrambling clumsily to her feet to get back up, and most importantly, **away**. She couldn't be so close to him and not want to fall into his arms again. She had to leave, she needed to get away, she just needed to GO. NOW._

_Not even bothering to offer her apologies to the professor, Hermione fled from the classroom, having no care for what reprimand or general consequences were to follow._

_**************.  
**_

_**************_,.-'~'-**__**************..**_-'~'-.,_  


_**And I'll take with me the memories  
**_

_**To be my sunshine after the rain  
**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye  
**_

_**To yesterday **_

_************__**************-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**************'  
**_

So taken by her misery, Hermione never heard the sliding of the portrait entrance. She never even realized someone had entered until she heard the first and last voice she wanted to indulge in at the moment.

"Hermione?"

Her sobs stopped abruptly and she shot up from the unflattering fetal position she'd been in previously – the sharp movement made her head spin and she nearly toppled over again. She grasped for her composure as well as someone that was completely and totally emotionally wrecked could be, but when she felt warm hands on her arms, moving and helping her to sit upright, she knew she'd finally gone insane.

"Dra-Malfoy," she stumbled over his name, correcting herself, but barely. The first time she'd called him Draco after his memories were taken, he'd lit into her and dressed her down for her oppressive familiarity. She didn't have the energy in her for it again, not today. "H-how d-did you.."

Draco frowned at the question, looking to her mouth and her chattering teeth. "Blaise gave me the password some time ago."

_'Ah. That would make sense.'_

"H-h-he went home f-ff-for break," she shuddered and shivered, the chill in the room more noticeable again now that she wasn't huddled in on herself and recycling her own body heat. Maybe it was the lack of food, but she thought she must be hallucinating when she felt a distinct warmth and weight settle around her shoulders. She opened her eyes blearily – _when did she close them again?_ – coming face to face with a pale expression laden with worry and concern.

"I came to see you," his voice was thick.

_'What?'_

"What?" She asked aloud this time, visibly puzzling over the statement. Her brows dipped deeply while she tried to work through the words in her head. It was difficult to understand what he was saying between the fatigue and hunger and cold, but she thought he said he came to see _**her**_.

She felt something, no, two somethings, moving in tandem on either one of her arms over the heavy thing that was draped around her shoulders – the thing she now realized was his winter coat. _HIS_ winter coat.

That's when the muddied gears in her head finally clicked past the clog mucking them all up and she realized that he'd called her _Hermione._

Her eyes widened and she sought out his face once again. He was still looking at her, as close as they'd been in the storage room only weeks ago – no, closer than that. His gray eyes were there just the same, only now there was a heaviness to them. It was something that bordered between enlightened and scarred.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak, the first try a bust, only a shaky squeak coming out. She closed her mouth, swallowed, and tried again, a shaking hand reaching for him in a way she'd denied herself for too many days. Even now, she hesitated, fingertips hovering centimetres from his cheek, "Dra..co..?"

The crack in her desperate question seemed to be all it took to undo what control he had over his own emotions and a large hand came up to curl around hers, pressing it to his cheek and shuddering out a breath tinged with _months_ of apology and regret, "Yes." The witch's own breath sucked in sharply and he reached his other hand out to smooth over her frigid, tear stained skin, "I'm sorry...I'm so, so, so very sorry..."

His apology knocked away the dam that was holding everything else back and she could feel the cry rip itself free.

Both of her hands were on him: his face, his hair, his arms, his chest, everywhere. With renewed vigor, her body moved of its own accord, trying to touch and feel and see everything in front of her before it would be so cruelly torn away again. Hermione grasped at him desperately, cries of happiness, anguish, anger, and everything in between wrenching themselves from her small, thinned body. She spoke, though what of, she couldn't tell, they were mainly just floods of words coming from her mouth and spilling into the air between them.

Draco was no better, nor did he make any show of being it. His own tears flowed freely before her, before the only woman outside his family he dared bare himself to in such a way. She hit and clawed and hugged and kissed and he took everything she had to give. He deserved all of her anger and none of her love, but she gave both with equal fervour, and he accepted it with open arms because she was _his_ again.

After too many long minutes, Hermione peeled herself from his arms, but only far enough as to look into his now blotchy face, eyes red as hers. She sniffed and turned her head, embarrassed at how wrecked she was likely to have looked, only to have him catch her face and turn her back his way for another kiss that dashed all thoughts of how dreadful she looked when she cried.

The press of his lips drew another sob from her and she could taste the saltiness of the tears as they snaked down to intrude on the kiss. Draco peppered several more lighter pecks to her lips, rubbing his thumbs over her cheekbones and doing his best to soothe her. She calmed again, eventually, with their foreheads pressed together and Draco mumbling all sorts of things.

_I'm sorry..._

_..I was wrong.._

_I thought I was keeping you safe..._

_Why didn't you STAY where it was safe?_

_...it was like walking through a fog when you were near me.._

_...I found you._

Hermione calmed enough, was lucid enough now, to pause and breathe in the man holding her in his arms. He smelled just as she remembered with that woodsy cologne he would wear and the subtle hints of mint and aged parchment that would always surround him. He _felt_ just as he'd felt then, though this time she supposed she was the one that was a bit thinner and worse for wear.

She hadn't finished enjoying him just being there and KNOWING who she was yet before he pulled away again. She opened her mouth to protest, but his hand just moved methodically for the coat wrapped about her shoulders still. He reached into the breast pocket to retrieve something and took up one of her hands in his, she noticed his throat bob when he saw that she was still wearing her own simple ring.

Draco cleared his throat, drawing her attention back to his face. He looked as though he were going to say something, but Hermione was distracted again when she felt the addition of a new weight sliding over her finger. She blinked down to see Draco's shaking hand pull away and took in the tastefully set diamond that he'd just set in place. Hermione gasped and looked back up, seeing that he looked very scared, nearly as scared as he had been their last night together.

"I made you a promise...and I intend to keep it." He swallowed again, returning to his previous task of smoothing back her hair from her face, memorizing the way she looked and how beautiful she looked because he _remembered_ her as they had been before. "I don't want to wait any longer, not after..." he paused, his voice timid and unsure now that he'd started speaking, "...i-is this okay?"

It was the worst proposal in the sense of traditions, but it was the best thing he could have ever said to her at such a time.

Hermione couldn't help the smile that bloomed on her face. It had been so long since she'd experienced one that her muscles ached with the exertion, but she couldn't be farther from giving a damn about it.

"Yes," she whispered breathlessly, taking great joy in the relief that set into his shoulders at her reply. Hermione nodded emphatically, "Yes...yes, yes, yes, gods Draco, yes...it's perfect." Hermione did well tamping down on the recurring urge to burst into more tears, despite the fact these would be of a whole different nature than the ones before. Her hands slid around his waist, pulling him close and tight to her and burying her face against his neck. "You're perfect..."

Draco breathed deeply of her scent, enveloping her in everything he had to give. He shook his head, the light stubble rasping against her wild curls and Hermione could feel him smile against her, "No, _you're_ perfect."

For once, she didn't care how corny and sappy such a reply sounded. She couldn't care less, in fact. All she cared about was that he was back. He'd finally come back to her. "I love you."

At the three simple words, she felt his grip tighten in her hair and at her back. She felt a tremor run through him and if she'd been able to look up, she would've been able to see him struggling against his emotions before burying his face back into her chestnut locks.

It was mumbled and barely there in the otherwise silent and cold room, but she heard it well enough – she _felt_ it warm her insides and chase away the deathly chill.

"_I love you too, Hermione.._"

_********__**************.**_

_******_,.-'~'-.,_**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday**_

_********__******-..,_,,**__,..-

_********__**************'**_

* * *

**A/N: **...the guidelines didn't say I couldn't have a happy ending.


End file.
